Sleeping Beauty
By: Lisa Ruiter
“I remember when you were small, how I’d read you fairy tale after fairy tale. I loved sitting with you, telling you all those stories with their happy endings. I loved holding you close as you waited for what would happen next.” Those were the printed words inside a glittering birthday card from my mother. Walking into my daughter’s pink bedroom, I reclaimed the book, Sleeping Beauty, from her shelf. The binding was torn and taped from being read so many times. I carefully opened the fairy tale to a handwritten note from my aunt, “Happy Birthday, Lisa, from Mary and Gene, 1969”.
My mind was spinning as I sat on my daughter’s butterfly comforter. I realized I had mentally written a book for my life at a very young age. A fairy tale! When life changed or pages turned to the unexpected, I crumbled. Even though most fairy tales have a life shattering moment, I thought mine would be pain free. I would be married young, and my prince would save me from my castle by climbing the braids in my hair. We would have many children, boys and girls. Our home would include a white picket fence and it would be peaceful and well kept. We would do our daily chores, say our nightly prayers, and go to church each Sunday.
I continued to try and rewrite my fairy tale after each unexpected surprise. Finding my prince at a young age included a breakup before we were married. Being blessed with four boys, I wondered where are the girls? I tried to find the beauty in my story when my child was ill and no one could help, or in sending my eldest son to college when pain brought him home one year later. Jobs were lost causing money to be sparse; my health faltered forcing me to live in daily compromise while I insisted on keeping the picket fence, my perfect story.
Interrupting my thoughts, my daughter bounced into her bedroom and sat beside me. I asked, “Would you like me to read you, Sleeping Beauty?” She nodded and we laid back on the fluffed pillows escaping into the fairy tale. The fragile pages led us into the story where the six good fairies gave their gifts to the princess. “The youngest gave her beauty; the next, wit; the third, grace; the fourth, virtue; the fifth, a lovely voice; the sixth, a smile to win all hearts.” Pausing, I reflected on how these virtues had inspired my prayers while waiting for my daughter. Her breaths began to deepen as she rested. Admiring the strawberry curls that framed her porcelain face I kissed my sleeping princess as she lay on her covers. Returning the timeless book to her bookshelf I sighed, “Sometimes fairy tales do come true”.
Picking up my birthday card I tiptoed from her room. Inspired to discover the Lord’s story in me dreaming of living happily ever after, I pondered my ten year old son’s question. “Mom, do you think when we die we don’t go to sleep but we wake up?”
My mind was spinning as I sat on my daughter’s butterfly comforter. I realized I had mentally written a book for my life at a very young age. A fairy tale! When life changed or pages turned to the unexpected, I crumbled. Even though most fairy tales have a life shattering moment, I thought mine would be pain free. I would be married young, and my prince would save me from my castle by climbing the braids in my hair. We would have many children, boys and girls. Our home would include a white picket fence and it would be peaceful and well kept. We would do our daily chores, say our nightly prayers, and go to church each Sunday.
I continued to try and rewrite my fairy tale after each unexpected surprise. Finding my prince at a young age included a breakup before we were married. Being blessed with four boys, I wondered where are the girls? I tried to find the beauty in my story when my child was ill and no one could help, or in sending my eldest son to college when pain brought him home one year later. Jobs were lost causing money to be sparse; my health faltered forcing me to live in daily compromise while I insisted on keeping the picket fence, my perfect story.
Interrupting my thoughts, my daughter bounced into her bedroom and sat beside me. I asked, “Would you like me to read you, Sleeping Beauty?” She nodded and we laid back on the fluffed pillows escaping into the fairy tale. The fragile pages led us into the story where the six good fairies gave their gifts to the princess. “The youngest gave her beauty; the next, wit; the third, grace; the fourth, virtue; the fifth, a lovely voice; the sixth, a smile to win all hearts.” Pausing, I reflected on how these virtues had inspired my prayers while waiting for my daughter. Her breaths began to deepen as she rested. Admiring the strawberry curls that framed her porcelain face I kissed my sleeping princess as she lay on her covers. Returning the timeless book to her bookshelf I sighed, “Sometimes fairy tales do come true”.
Picking up my birthday card I tiptoed from her room. Inspired to discover the Lord’s story in me dreaming of living happily ever after, I pondered my ten year old son’s question. “Mom, do you think when we die we don’t go to sleep but we wake up?”
So many of you have reached out in sharing the journey of loosing someone you love. Thank you for walking with me in the battle of cancer! We continue to pray for a miracle. My aunt was to weak to go to the airport to say good-bye, but as my plane lifted off the runway in Bakersfield I understood the Lord will provide a miracle it might just look different than I think.
Love and prayers to each of you this week, Lissa
Thanks so much for this post Lisa! I have been again struggling somewhat with the loss of my fairy tale. There are times when I can see God holding me and leading me and there are others times that my heart just breaks over the life I thought I would be living now and yet never will. It is such a good reminder that God's miracle or even His blessings in our lives might not look the way we expect them to. Thanks for this timely message, Sheri
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so brave and sharing!
ReplyDeletejoy
Lisa, thank you so much for gracefully sharing the story of Sleeping Beauty and how it has and hasn't reflected the story of your life. It was the final question from your son, "Mom, do you think when we die we don't go to sleep but we wake up?", where the tears that had welled up as I read finally broke free. It reminds me of many profound faith moments and conversations we had with Avery during his illness, surgery and recovery. Personally I'm too much of a realist, to have dreamt of a fairly tale life. Perhaps unexpectedly losing my dad at my young age of 4.5 impacted my realist perspective. My struggle instead has been control. Thank you for sharing your heart, and I rejoice that you were able to get to California! TVZ
ReplyDeleteLissa, THANK YOU for sharing your beautiful, powerful, inspiring, breathtaking, tear-jerking story. ~lisa k morgan
ReplyDeleteMy aunt woke up in heaven this morning at 7:00 a.m.:)Thanks again for walking with me and blessing us with your prayers. Love, Lissa
ReplyDeleteWow, Lisa. What a journey you have been through. I am so sorry that you had to walk this road, and yet, may God bless you richly as you learn to trust him in His plan for all of us. I am so glad you were able to see her.
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