Day Four

It's early in the morning on Saturday or late Friday night, depends on your perspective. For me, it means that this will cover both Friday and Saturday's blog. :)
Mark 9:21-24
21Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"
"From childhood," he answered. 22"It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
I hope that someday, when I get to heaven, it will be obvious to me who this father is so I can tell him thank you for being so real.
I have spoken about the fight and spiritual warfare this week but Thursday night I had a slight turn and I had a revelation in my heart.
This week, actually this month, this season, this year, has been somewhat challenging. I usually see these times as an opportunity to grow, maybe God wants to teach me something. Sometimes I look at these challenges, stressors, as enemy attacks or spirtual warfare. I am embarassed to say my thought process is "Well I must be doing something good or the Satan would not try to attack." Now I know that spiritual warfare is real. I know that it happens. But my eyes were opened to something different.
This week I have prayed, been in the Word, wrote to you about it on this blog and felt pretty good. I am ashamed to say that my thoughts and my actions elsewhere, especially with my family have not lined up with all that. It was easy for me to say "It's Satan attacking" when what is real is that I am much like the father Jesus is talking to in Mark 9.
I come to Jesus for all he is, my comfort, my provider, my strength. But I hold back on what He really wants and that's to be the one who transforms me. It's like He came into my kitchen and said "Satan is not your problem here, you are." Ugh. And in defense I say "I do believe!" and then in the next breath knowing He sees my heart, "Help me overcome my unbelief!"
He knows what He he has created me to be and I see some parts of me that are just too strong to be transformed. Who am I believing?
He says "Any thing is possible for him who believes." and I scramble to find my own solutions. Who do I believe?
He gave his life for my salvation and offers his love, mercy and grace new to me everyday and I am harsh and critical with the one's who need my love, mercy and grace the most. Who do I believe?
This is not a final answer for me. I pray it is the beginning of what is a real, transforming work.
Thank you for hearing me today.
Jesus, help me overcome my unbelief. Help me to open up the dark, hard places to your Light and transforming power. I thank you that you never give up on me. Thank you that you love me. Amen